Dreaming of Moshiach

Thursday, May 31, 2007

News I Want to See!

By Robert Solomon

Waves of jubilation roared through Jerusalem's beautiful streets as The Moshiach greeted the Jewish people today. Many reporters had to don thick Ray-Ban sunglasses to shield their eyes against the holy light emanating from the holy man. Many TV cameras were damaged by this light as well.

Billions of TV's broke down all across the world as they could not handle the intense light. Many people were trembling with excitement, however there was a fear in the United States that since the TV's were out, a major family activity has been eliminated.

"Not to worry" says sports retailer Modells, "We have a huge buyout of baseball bats, bicycles, rollerblades, and ping pong tables due to a huge flux of consumers trying to find ways to substitute their loss of TV viewing."

Meanwhile the Arabs, hoping for an easy conquest of the world, are furious. Recently, Achmenidejad was killed as a nuclear explosion occurred in a nuclear plant facility he was just touring. The UN also condemned the Messiah, saying that he has formed an illegitimate government in Jerusalem, and bringing back a world order that "would have suited our old-fashioned ancestors, not us." The Security Counsel is meeting together to condemn the nascent Messianic government in Israel.

However the UN seems to be getting more unpopular as many of their supporters have woken up and are defecting the New York complex. They are heading to John Kennedy Airport to take advantage of the one-way free airfare to Tel Aviv, Israel.

Many Jews are also storming airport across the Diaspora. London Heathrow, Chicago O'Hare, and Paris Charles DeGaule airports are trying to deal with the huge numbers of Jews boarding planes. However Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion is working around the clock to service thousands of Boeing 747's 777's and Airbuses containing thousands of Jewish passengers for their new life in Messianic Israel.

(UPDATE) The UN Building has suddenly disappeared. The now-petrified members of the Security Counsel sit naked in a field in Wyoming trembling as huge space aliens called Cherubim and Seraphim land around them. They are to be taken for justice for crimes committed against Israel and the Jews ever since their conception.




והיה השם למלך על כל הארץ, ביום ההוא יהיה השם אחד - ושמו אחד ישתבח שמו לעד לנצח נצחים בכל העולמות Blessed is His name for eternity in all worlds אין עוד מלבדו