Dreaming of Moshiach

Monday, September 29, 2008

Esterke's Story: Life After Death

Before I tell you my story, I want you to know that I'm not worthy.

This happened 20 years ago and at the time, I only told my family and no one else. My brother told his friend and word got to Rabbanim and they instructed me that I must tell my story to strengthen others that there is life after death and each person gets judged...

Before I begin my story, I want you to know the soul in Shamayim knows the truth. If a person goes in the right path with Mitzvot and charity, on his last day on earth, Tzaddikim, Kohanim, Leviim and family accompany this neshama (soul) with heavenly Divine music. But if chas vechalila (Go.d forbid) the person sinned against HKB'H, the Angels of destruction accompanies the neshama. The shame that this neshama feels in Shamayim is indescribably enormous. When a person feels shamed in this world, it is zero in comparison to the shame the neshama will experience in the Shamayim.

The Kavod (respect) a person gets on this earth is NOTHING!!! The real respect is shown in Shamayim. The Kavod worthy people will receive when Moshiach arrives is the truth. When Moshiach will come he'll say, "I arrived in the merit of this and this woman," and this will be the ingenuous respect.

My grandmother appeared to my brother in a dream and told him to tell me that Savta (grandmother) said that a dreadful catastrophe will happen to Esterke. Personally, I don't believe in dreams but because it happened on my grandmother's Yartzeit, I believed it and I decided I’m going to try to do more Teshuva. I made a resolution as part of my Teshuva to remove all my jewellery. Just a week before, my very holy twin sister, whom passed away 11 years ago, came to me in a dream and told me, "don't let the angel of death take you. Tell Shamayim that in the act of removing all your jewellery, you should merit to live."

I want to explain that putting on delicate jewellery is not a problem but jewellery that brings attention is wrong, extremely wrong, for a woman to wear.

On Friday Parshat Pinchas, I woke up feeling very ill and I strongly felt and feared that this is my last day on earth. In the afternoon, I went to a doctor because I felt I must make some effort to remain alive. The nurse checked my blood pressure and it turned out that my blood pressure was extremely low and I overheard her saying, 'this woman is not going to stay alive much longer.'

I wanted to die in my home, in my bed. I didn't tell my husband anything because I didn't want to scare him. The whole day I prayed to HKB'H to allow me to continue to live.

I returned home and although I was very weak, I cleaned my house and did the laundry. I thought that when they sit Shiva for me, the least I can do for the kids is for them to have clean clothes and the house will be clean.

Although I was feeling very ill, I managed to also feed the children. I told them stories about the importance of dressing modestly. I wanted them to remember that I after I die that their mother taught them the importance of modesty. As I was kissing them, I felt I was kissing them for the last time...

Shabbat arrived and after I lit Shabbat candles, I saw the angel of death. It was the longest night in my life. An hour was like a thousand years. It's hard to explain the angel of death. The angel of death is the yetzer hara (evil inclination); the same one who causes us during our lifetime to transgress and rebel against HKB'H. If he succeeded to make us sin, he comes in joy to take away the person's neshama. He told me, "I came to take you to the world of truth." I was petrified. He's gigantic, immeasurable size, all black, with many wings. He held in his hand a gigantic sword and behind him are more swords. I was still physically alive at this time and I'm thinking in my mind, "What I did I already did but what I didn't yet do, I missed the opportunity to do." When one sees the angel of death, the person cannot do anything.

My husband came home from shul and became very frightened from the way I looked. I fainted and my husband somehow managed to place me in bed. I wanted to say Kriat Shema but the Angel of Death wouldn't allow me. I didn't want to pay attention to him and with all my energy, I was able to win over him and say Kriat Shema. The angel of death does not allow the person to say Kriat Shema on his/her last night on earth. When I said Kriat Shema, the angel of death pounded me hard but I didn't give in, b’h, and I succeeded to say Kriat Shema.

That night I died. The angel of death gave me a fruit and it looked so delicious and I wanted so much to eat it. It has a delicious smell and it looks so appealing with its diamonds on top of it. I had such a lust to eat the fruit but the angel of goodness gently told me, 'check for an hechsher (kosher)'. I decided that I’ll decline the fruit. Those that eat the fruit, HaShem ishmor, it creates black angels and these angels pull out a person's teeth without anesthesia. Such dreadful throbbing and the neshama can't stand the pain...

I saw myself in Shamayim, not in a movie or a DVD, I saw myself as a baby, growing up, and I was the main ‘actress’ in this act. B'h, I dressed modesty and in the panorama view of my life, I saw myself also dressed appropriately. All the people that do Teshuva and dress modesty, they will merit to see themselves also dressed modestly. But those that don't, I cannot begin to describe the shame. B'h, I was not judged for the attention-seeking jewellery I used to wear. It was only a week before that I merited to remove all the jewellery off of me.

The Yetzer Hara brought with him so many angels of destructions. I didn't understand why there were so many angels of destructions. How is it possible that I created so many? I was told that all these black angels of destructions were created by me when I sang out loud in my home and men heard me. The black angels were gigantic, they looked similar to the angel of death. They were all black and covered in Klipot, they had gigantic eyes that hit the neshama. They were all beating me so hard and each said to me, "I am here on retribution. This is revenge on you, the strongest vengeance. It is because I was born from your sins and it is because of you I didn't become a good angel, a white angel. Now I am going to take my revenge on you for creating me." I was all alone and it was so dark and there was nowhere to hide. Even though it’s so dark, I can see everything and I see how the angels of destruction beat me up so hard without mercy and hurt me. I was wishing that I was in the lower world and someone would take a knife and slice me, it would have been less painful. I was very hot but there were no windows to open. I had no sense of time.

At some point, I saw white angels. Merciful HaShem allowed me to see them for the Mitzvot I did on this earth. The white angels were comforting me, "You should be very happy you did this Mitzvah because otherwise, you would not have created me and instead, it would have created more black demons."

I still didn't understand how I created so many black destruction angels. I was told that men heard me sing, speak too much, and laughing loudly.

I saw a big beautiful light of the Divine Spirit and I heard cries. The Divine Spirit was crying because it wants the Bet HaMikdash to be built. I heard HaShem crying because I was suffering from the black destruction angels I created. Who could endure to hear our Heavenly Aba crying? This was more painful for me that all the beating I was receiving. I heard neshamot yelling and screaming in pain and I was also yelling in pain, but the Divine Spirit's crying tore me apart.

I asked why all the neshamot are crying and yelling. I was told that these neshamot did not dress modestly. These neshamot caused men to sin and the men suffer the same consequence as the women who trapped them to look at them. I was so glad I observed modesty.

Please know that it is very hard for me to talk about this. The only reason I'm telling you all this is leshem Shamayim. We can still do Teshuva. In Shamayim it's not possible!!! Please please do Teshuva.

They brought a large scale and my eyes were removed and placed on one side of the scale. I was petrified because the angels of destruction that I created were commanded to put my jealousy on the other side of the scale. I heard my grandmother tell me not to fear. My whole life I worked on myself not to be jealous of others, b'h. B'h, the side of the scale with my eyes outweighed the jealousy. I don't want to begin describing what happens to a person who is jealous of others. They poke the person's eyes...

I was petrified of the heavenly court. I felt so much shame and suffering. I was suffering in my fear. The Bet Din of Lemaala was crying. They do not like to give a neshama a bad judgment. A person doesn't know what's waiting for him in the heavenly court, HaShem ishmor.

I was crying and yelling, "I didn't want to sin." But the Heavenly court told me, "The sins come from you!". The family of the soul cries so much for the suffering of the neshama.

The angels told me that I should be happy that I covered my hair with a modest kerchief and never wore a wig. The angels told me, "If you would have worn a wig, you would have never been able to depart from Gehenom!"

No wigs are accepted in Shamayim. A woman who wears even a synthetic wig, it is idol worshipping*. Women who wear wigs during their lifetime and when they die, these souls say to the Heavenly court that they had permission from a certain Rav. Regardless, Shamayim decrees that this woman goes to Gehenom.

Why did women begin to wear wigs? 60 years ago in Poland there was a decree that women are prohibited to cover their hair. So instead, the Jewish Orthodox women began wearing wigs made of sheep's hair. But it's wrong and it's idol worshipping. This is why till today, a wig is called פאה נכרית a gentile (non-Jewish) wig. A woman is wearing an idol on her head and she should know that it is because of this sin that Moshiach is not yet coming. The women who wears idols on their head ridiculously want their children to become Tzaddikim, oy to them...

All I'm telling you is not from my throat. This is what the angels in Shamayim told me. Even if the Sanhedrin erroneously told a person that something is permitted when in fact it was prohibited, this person had to bring Korban Chatat for his sin. I must tell you; Rav Binyamin Rabinowitz, zs'kl, of the Eda HaCharadit told me that I must make women aware that wigs are erroneous and must tell women what Shamayim told me. I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to tell women about wigs, it's a very delicate subject and it'll hurt so many. He told me to say, "It is because of the wigs that Moshiach cannot come. Modesty begins at the top and if there is no modesty on top, lack of modesty travels downwards."

I wanted to live. My grandmother told me to say that I want to continue educating my children in the path of HaShem. I yelled it out loud with all my strength. The Angel of Death asked me if there is even one Tzaddik who is willing to advocate for me. I yelled as loud as I can to my Rebbe, the Rebbe of Toldos Aharon, zs'kl, "Rebbe, help me. I want to live. Get me out of here..." I saw my Rebbe all shining and all the angels of destruction cried because of his high holiness. My Rebbe said, "I'll not leave this place without this woman!"

For me to return to this earth, I was given 3 conditions but can only share 2 of them:
1. I must do Teshuva the rest of my life.
2. I must give a letter to my Rebbe thru my husband to thank him for being Molitz Yosher on me and it was in his merit that I was allowed to return to earth.

When I woke up, b’h, all my ribs were broken. I was very weak and ill and suffered for more than 6 months. I didn't even strength to hold a tissue in my hand. The first time I washed myself I saw my body was scarred and was full of blue and purple marks.

All this because I sang, laughed, and spoke too much and strangers outside my home heard me. The shame that a neshama feels in Shamayim is indescribably enormous. It is nothing in comparison to the shame the neshama feels on earth.

We live in a very difficult world, with many tribulations and tests. But we should all feel very happy and lucky that we are still breathing because we still have the opportunities to correct and fix our ways. In Shamayim, that's not a possibility.

I want to tell you that although I don't believe in dreams, a short time ago, I dreamt I saw a neighbor of mine whom passed away 10 years ago. I haven't thought of her in years and when I saw her, I was very surprised to see that she was very sad. I told her, "Elka, how are you?," and she replied, "I'm not in Gan Eden. Since my death, I am in Gehenom and suffering." I didn't understand, "But Elka, you were a good woman, you were modest and even though you were a widow, you took care of your family. You covered your hair with a kerchief. What happened?" Elka replied, "Yes, I wore a modest kerchief but underneath it, I wore a small wig and revealed the front of the wig's hair. This is the reason I'm suffering for 10 years in Gehenom. Also, inside my house I wore a long and modest robe but I didn't wear socks and my toes were seen. For these sins, I am suffering in Gehenom for 10 years."

She told me that the following day something will happen and this is proof that the dream is true. What she told me really did happen the following day... I lit for her neshama candles with olive oil and my husband said Kaddish and Mishnayot for her neshama.

The following day, I told a friend of mine the dream and she told me that she feels the fear of HaShem and will begin to wear only modest kerchiefs and will no longer wear wigs, not even underneath the kerchiefs.

That night, I saw Elka again in my dream and I see her hugging my holy twin sister. I was so happy for her and said, "B'H the Kaddish and Mishnayot helped your soul to elevate into Gan Eden." She replied, "I merited to enter Gan Eden after 10 years of Gehenom in the merit of the woman who threw away all her wigs and took upon herself only to wear from now on only modest kerchiefs!"

It is in the merit of holy women that Moshiach will come and redeem Am Israel!

As per Esterke's request, only sound of her experience in Heaven's court is available. If you want to watch the video and you are a female over 14, email nava998@yahoo.com .

* Women who are or have been married (widows and divorcees) are required to cover their hair. The Talmud in Kesuvot 72a states that the source for this prohibition is from BaMidbar (Numbers) 5:18 which deals with the laws of a sotah - a suspected adulteress - and states, "The priest shall stand the woman before God and uncover her hair...". Rashi (Rabbi Shlomo Yitchaki, zs'kl) provides two explanations for the Talmud's conclusion, one, that from the fact that she is punished midah keneged midah (measure for measure) for exposing her hair to her paramour we see that this is prohibited and, two, from the fact that we expose her hair we see that under normal conditions a Jewish woman's hair should be covered.

Kabalistic master Baba Sali, Rav Yisrael Abuchatzeirah, zsk'l, the 'praying father' of Sephardic Jewry, said that women are obligated to cover hair with kerchiefs and never with wigs. He added that even if women are ultra religious, prays three times a day, occupied with Chesed, educates her children in the path of HaShem, etc. but does not cover her hair only with kerchief, he promises that she'll not see Olam Haba.




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