I am writing this letter to you as I take my last breaths on earth, with the little strength I have left. I write this letter to you with tears, blood, and a broken and tormented heart. I, Ravital Avraham, 19 years old, is facing the end; I'm young but the 'gates of living' are closing in on me. Like you, I also had dreams... I dreamed of the many children I'll have with my future husband but... HaShem decreed otherwise, and today I know that if I'd have chosen to live my life differently, I would remain alive.
I was born into a religious family. From the day I learned to walk I knew I was a beautiful girl. When I was in preschool, all the kids wanted to be my friends and I got special attention from the teachers because of my beautiful facial features. I grew up knowing that I was blessed with rare beauty and I am not exaggerating; the amount of beauty that was bestowed on me was extraordinary. My smart parents always tried to minimize my beauty and never gave me special attention because of my rare beauty but I was 'smart' and I leaned how to nurture my beauty. I received many compliments from friends and strangers and I understood that my beauty can buy me friends, power, respect, and status. I learned to take advantage of my exotic beauty so I always took care of myself to look good, too good. I liked wearing tight clothing that revealed my body and my long beautiful hair was the talk of the town. I loved receiving the attention and always came up with new tactics how to stand out in huge crowds. I enjoyed when people were watching me and and wanted to talk only to me. In my great sins, I enjoyed this too much.
When I entered high school, my teachers tried to teach me that my behavior is wrong but it was too late, I already fell into the trap of my ego. I remember one teacher told me, "Ravital, you were given a tremendeous rare gift of beauty. This is your test." I'd show her as if her words penetrated my heart but it didn't even penetrate my ears... I was like a drunkard, running from one mall to another looking for clothing that would show the curves of my body... Today I know without a doubt that I caused hundreds and thousands to sin by looking at me... And I enjoyed it.
Then, the first warning came... one evening while preparing scrambled eggs, the flame underneath the pan burned my hair within a few short seconds. My beautiful long hair was totally burned. I remember while in the hospital and hysterically crying, my father sat next to me and tried comforting me, "Ravital, HaShem performed a miracle for us, you could have gotten completely burned. Please Ravital, change your ways." But I didn't listen, I was 16 years old and within 2 years my hair regrew to its original beauty. I completely forgot the heavenly warning that almost burned me to death. I became even more beautiful and exotic than before and putting on makeup was a daily must. During this period of my life, I got into trouble but I cannot elaborate...
I had a very special grandmother who was a true Tzaddika and I was very attached to her. She would always cry about my lack of spirituality and would try to inspire me to do Teshuva. She would even give me money to buy modest clothing but it didn't help. When I was 16 and half, she passed away. When she died, I didn't know how I can continue to live and how the world can survive without her but after a while, I recovered and life continued. Although her death caused me to do some Teshuva but it was only for a very short time. Once I returned to my old ways, I escalated my bad behavior and I became more noticeable and egoistical.
The second warning came... I dreamed that my grandmother is sitting on a rock and crying. I stood next to her and asked her, "Savta, why are you crying?!" and she pointed to her head without saying a word. I woke up in a cold sweat, trying to calm down. After a short while, I forget about this dream and the second warning from heaven went unheeded.
But then it came.. First it was minor headaches. My mother told me that I'm tired because I am studying too much and I should rest more often. But my heart was telling me differently. A month passed and it came to a point that I was no longer able to stand up. My head felt as if a volcano was inside, ready to burst.
When my mother and I sat in the doctor's office, his face said it all, "Such a beautiful girl and so ill..." I burst out crying alongside my mother - in my worst nightmare, I never thought it was even a possibility... I had an incurable cancer in the head, death was only a matter of time... I don't remember how we got home that day, I only remember the many tears, pain, and complete feeling of helplessness. Suddenly, I remembered my dream, seeing my grandmother crying and pointing to her head.
Maybe if I would have acted differently to the heavenly warnings, I would not be facing the dead end.
The following day we went to the hospital and in my worst nightmares, I could not believe that the treatments were so painful. I felt I was getting burned to the bones and my blood was boiling from the treatments.
Good Merciful HaShem... You are good but I didn't listen to You. Aba, how did I ignore Your great mercy?
It's hard for me to write... My long beautiful hair began falling out and within a short time, I became bald, pale, and weak. Every doctor that treated me told me that I have extraordinary beauty and it pinched my heart. HaShem gave me exotic beauty and I used it the wrong way. Instead of protecting it, I abandoned it...
Today I am 19 years old and in great pain with a few days to live. The illness has overtaken my body and I see death knocking on my door. I want my suffering to be a Kapara (atonement) for my sins.
You, my sisters, please listen to my broken and torn heart and listen to my last words... observe modesty because there is Judge and Judgement, He sees and knows everything... Everything is accountable for in the heavenly court. Strengthen yourselves to dress modestly - don't wait for heavenly warnings.
Please, I'm begging you, with the little strength HaShem has bestowed on me, I am asking, tell my story to others and maybe it will benefit me for my health to be restored. I am begging, I want to live.
...A short time after Ravital wrote this letter, she passed away, a'h. Before dying, she requested that her letter be publicized... יהי זכרה ברוך...
LeIluy Nishamt Ravital bat Sara Avraham, a'h.