The Dark Side

Esther Korsandi's story:

I was born in Persia and at a young age, came to Israel with my family. We were an Orthodox family but as it happens to many religious families in Israel, we gradually became more Israelis and less Jewish till I eventually abandoned my religion.

When I got married and was 5-month pregnant, the doctors told me that I must immediately abort my baby because my life is in danger. I refused to listen to the doctors and decided to keep the baby, despite warnings that I'll never be able to have more children. When I reached full term, b'h, my firstborn son was born healthy. When I got pregnant again, the doctors told me that I'll not be able to carry the baby to term and will have a miscarriage at 6 month. They were wrong again -- I gave birth to my second son, healthy and whole, b'h. Again, I got pregnant and b'h, I gave birth to a healthy daughter...

I decided that 3 children are more than enough and it was time to tie my tubes; I didn't want anymore children.

At the doctor's office, they prepared me for getting my tubes tied. I was put under anesthesia and it was that I died and saw what I saw... I remember very clearly what I saw...

I saw myself falling... I kept falling further down into hell (תחתית שאול), and continued falling down into the worst place. The further I fell, the darker it became - it was completely dark. I can never describe this kind of darkness - darkness such as I saw does not exists in this world. It was darkness of no end, it was darkness of eternity. I saw neshamot (souls) suffering, I heard yelling. I cannot describe the fear I felt. I don't even want to remember it...

I saw a gigantic meat grinder, approximately 7 ft. tall. I saw them putting neshamot inside this grinder... They turned the handle of the grinder half-way, and the neshama inside it was grinded to the bottom, facing the bottom - into the abyss. The neshama was petrified that it'll be dropped into the abyss... Then they turned the handle of the grinder and within seconds, the neshama inside the grinder faced the abyss, again. This continued for a long time and it was a form of torture... I don't even want to describe the other forms of tortures I saw... I heard so much yelling but I can't even describe it... I saw people suffering and being tortured... The torturing I saw is not from this world - it's beyond the imagination. I saw neshamot on the floor with body parts... begging for mercy... I cannot talk anymore about it... I feel sick...

I heard people say when they were clinically dead, they saw a white light, a tunnel... I don't know... I didn't see any white light... I saw bottom bit - I saw darkness - I saw hell! I begged and pleaded to have mercy on me, I cried to be allowed to go upwards... I felt someone hitting me. I felt something catching onto my tongue - choking me.

When I woke up in the doctor's office, I looked at my nails and they were dark - pitch black... I don't know in what merit I was given permission to return to this world. Not every person can merit to wake up... Not every person can merit to return... Not every person can merit to come out of it safely...

It's difficult for me to talk about it - to have my experience documented... I want to tell you, I am not profitting even one penny from telling you my story. I want you to know -- there is life after death - I personally was there...