Dreaming of Moshiach

Friday, February 01, 2008

Path of the Just

Via Email:

One of my best friends is very into chizuk websites and inspiration of holiness. But I'm worried. I'm scared that she's gone too far with her modesty. She isn't herself anymore. She was a beautiful, compassionate, caring, loving, funny, modest person just a couple of weeks ago. She was truly someone that everyone loved, had fun with and cared for.

My concern is that her modesty that she has now "developed" has stepped to a level in which I feel is no longer who she is. My friend was always modest in her words and in what she wore, and in what she did. She used to be very friendly with everyone. She found it to be unkind to not say hello to a male friend when she would see him. But now she tells me that it's not right to talk to males, or it's not modest to be close them, its not good for spiritual growth to talk with them and be friends with them. My friend was very kind to the male species, but now she acts distant with them as though she is uncomfortable near them.

I myself have grown spiritually in the past 6 months. I dress modestly, cover myself up, pray, shomer negiya, and I'm comfortable because I always knew that I wanted to be religious.
My friend and I have helped each other in our journey through spiritual growth.

But I am so concerned that she's forgotten who she was, what she loved and cared for. Her "extreme" modest and behavior has saddend me because it's no longer fun hanging out with her. When we want to go and have coffee with some of our really close male friend she says no, because it's not right. She thinks it's inappropriate.

Iwant to know, is she right? Are we suppose stay away from men until its time for us to get married? Is it ok that she has become so modest to a point where we can't even hang out with her anymore, because everything that we might do or say is forbidden to her???

She's a girl that, not more than a month ago told me that I was moving too fast in my spiritual journey. A month ago she told me that I was too picky for wanting to marry a man with a kippa on his head. She laughed at the thought of a girl being shomer neggiya.

Am I wrong?
Should I be worried?
Am I a bad friend?
What should i do?


Sometimes, although physically dressed properly, our mannerism is very far from what HaShem commands us. When one suddenly 'wakes up', he/she wants to place new borders for themselves so that the evil inclination does not trap them again to chas vechalila rebel against HKB'H's holy Torah that He chose to give us.

Individuals that suddenly take extreme measurements upon waking up are very high neshamot. Beforehand, they fell deep in this world's confusion and upon waking up, Shamayim puts an urge in them to remove all the klipot and to achieve the place in Gan Eden destined for them. Hashem directs the truth to enter their hearts and minds.

More about this can be read in the sefer Messilat Yesharim, Path of the Just, written by the RaMCHaL HaKadosh, zs'l.

When these high-neshamot people receive the 'calling' , they begin their spiritual 'flight' upwards and eventually, at some point, 'land', when they find that their new way of life is appealing to HKB'H. During the spiritual flight, they custom-make for themselves borders. (this stems from middat HaChasidut).

Their main goal is to reach spiritual heights that was predestined for them. When they reach it, they stick to this path of life forever, b'h, and transfer their burning love for HKB'H over to their children...

Don't stop your friend because once Shamayim puts in her the urge to seek spirtuality and come closer to HKB'H, if you try to stop her, she'll distance herself away from you to avoid all obstacles that might stop her from achieving getting closer to HKB'H.

Is she right? Yes. Americans call it 'the calling'. HaShem (the Divine Spirit) is calling on her, in Middat HaRachmanut.

Are we suppose stay away from men until its time for us to get married? Yes. Socializing with men in public places or even worse, in private places is not behavior of a daughter of a king. How much more so a princess of the Kings of all Kings.

Is it ok that she has become so modest to a point where we cant even hang out with her anymore, because everything that we might do or say is forbidden to her??? If you hang out with men and speak lashon hara or compare designer clothing, this is not appropriate behavior of a daughter of the King. I know some very pious women that will not go to shul so no one should talk to them and will cause an obstacle for sinning. Even when someone sneezes, it's prohibited during prayers even to say "Gezunteit."

Am I wrong? Wrong about what? For judging your friend? For not understanding her sudden need and want to do Teshuva? Yes, this is wrong. Are you wrong to stop her? You couldn't - even if you wanted to...

Should I be worried? You should encourage her. If chas vechalila another good friend got suddenly very sick, would you tell her 'Stop being sick. Get up and get dressed and let's hang out..." or would you visit with her to give her encouragement?

Am I a bad friend? No, chas vechalila. Eventually both of you's will get married and build a life with a husband. This is what life is all about, being faithful to your husband and educating your children in the 'Path of the Just' to understand between wrong and right.

What should I do? Be there for your friend and encourage her. If her need to place borders for herself is too powerful for you, stay away. You don't want to be in the catergory of חוטא ומחטיא which is one of the worst sins. A sinner that causes others to sin. Do NOT tease or place temptations in her path.

Kol Tuv and blessings.




והיה השם למלך על כל הארץ, ביום ההוא יהיה השם אחד - ושמו אחד ישתבח שמו לעד לנצח נצחים בכל העולמות Blessed is His name for eternity in all worlds אין עוד מלבדו