Dreaming of Moshiach

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Earning Mercy From HaShem

Via Email:
"... HaShem is our merciful Father and always has mercy on Am Israel. How can it be that Hashem will destroy 2/3 of the world and only a minimal amount of Jews will survive? I hope the Judgement will be sweetened and HKB"H will have pity on us..."

In one of the shiurim by HaRav Amnon Shlita, a person asked him the same thing you ask, 'How can it be that 2/3 of the world will be destructed?.' He told the Rav that he's positive that the Judgement will be sweetened, no Jew will be harmed, and HKBH will have pity on us.

The Rav replied to him, "If you don't have pity on yourself, what justification do you give HaShem to have pity on you?". He went on to explain this. The Jews were commanded to keep the 613 Mitzvot of the Torah. It was commanded and manditory, not an option.

But somehow, many Jews are convinced that some of the Mitzvot commanded by HaShem are not meant for them, like modesty, prayers, loving every Jew, etc. This is WRONG thinking!!!

HKB'H did NOT give us the option to observe 451 mitzvot out of the 613 Mitzvot. We must observe all of them. We don't make deals with HKB'H either. Don't think for a second that by your willingness to dress modestly, you are doing HaShem some kind of a favor. It's true that HaShem rewards the person for Mitzvot that are observed, but for Mitzvot that were not observed, HaShem punishes. There are NO rewards for sinning, but plenty of punishments for sinning.

Therefore, if a person wants and needs mercy from HKB'H, he must earn it. How can one earn mercy from HKB'H? By showing regret for past sins, by breaking the ego's will, and by observing His Mitzvot to the best of capabilities.

One of the ways that tremendeously helped me to wake up and do sincere Teshuva was deciding to write down all the sins I ever committed. I felt great with my decision and even congratulated myself for this great and interesting project.

I sat down in a room that enabled me to have privacy and began writing down my sins. One sin led me to remember another sin and before I knew it, a whole page was already filled up. I read it and started weeping and my previously great mood turned to regret - how could I have done that? What was I thinking? Didn't I know that it's forbidden to do this? Why did I do that? What did I gain from doing this? Why did I hurt this person so much? Why was I so selfish?...

And I would remember more sins, and continued writing them. It took me 4 days to complete the 'sin list' even though I am sure I forgot to remember all the sins.

Of course I had to hide the 'sin list', because if anyone will ever see it, I'll never be able to face humanity again. After finishing writing the list and reading it a few times, it was time to get rid of it but wasn't sure how, burning it made no sense. I decided to go to the Ohel of the Lubavitch Rebbe, zs'l, and read all my sins silently at the Ohel. I was ashamed to read the 'sin list' but forced myself to do it. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but it was one of the most liberating experiences ever.

When one succeeds in breaking the ego, the rewards are tremendous but one should keep in mind that we don't observe HKB'H's commandments for any rewards. At such times, when the ego is broken, only then, is it possible to receive mercy from our Merciful Father!!!

Truth is, we don't really had a choice but BEFORE breaking our will, we foolishily thought we did... When someone successfully breaks his will and begins observing a commandment, a few days later he'd be horrified at the thought to reverse this action.

Why do we look at our past transgressions with such horror and never want to repeat it again? Because only after observing the Mitzvah, we can understand the difference - that not observing was a sin. Before, we were able to justify our sins (can't can't can't...). After, we are horrified that we behaved like animals, thinking that we were in charge... totally ignoring God's holy commandments.

May HaShem bless you to be able to do sincere Teshuva, never fear anything, see many wonders, and merit to greet our holy Moshiach. Amen ve Amen.




והיה השם למלך על כל הארץ, ביום ההוא יהיה השם אחד - ושמו אחד ישתבח שמו לעד לנצח נצחים בכל העולמות Blessed is His name for eternity in all worlds אין עוד מלבדו