One Step At A Time

My father passed away 5 years ago and I did Kaddish ( I had never set foot in an Orthodox Shul before) and thereby "discovered" authentic Judaism. I am constantly wrestling with myself, surrounded by a secular family, I feel as a fish out of water struggling to breath. It is a challenge for a person such as myself to keep the most elemental mitzvot.

I am greatly disturbed at the notion that so many good well meaning, though misguided secular people, might not have a share in the world to come. I walk around saddened by my ignorance of Torah and the myriad of distractions in my path. I cry when the Yetzer Ha Ra dismisses my new found mindset as "folly".

When I look around I feel Am Yisrael is lost and I feel greatly disheartened. Is redemption assured for such a people? Are the impure along with the ignorant to be rooted out in the end of days? I am confused. Will they be resurrected when Mashiach Ben David comes?

Just a simple Jew looking for some Chizzuk.
MK
----------------
I'll answer your questions to the best of my ability with a simple example, using children.

Let's say you have a 15 year old son and a 2 year old son. Would you say to to the younger son, the 2 year old, "Son, go rake the leaves in the backyard". The answer is it's not logical and therefore would never ask him such a thing. But to the 15 year old - you not only can ask him, but expect him to do a good job.

The same answer applies to us. Sarah Imenu, a'h, was 38 years old when she recognized HaShem. It doesn't say she was 38 when she kept all the commandments of the Torah. She started the "living" years at 38 when she RECOGNIZED HaShem and STARTED Teshuva!!!

Recognizing HaShem is the FIRST step of Teshuva. No one can climb a 200 step ladder in a second. It takes time, energy, effort, prayer, and Emuna (trust).

I started tuning into Judaism and doing Teshuva about 20 years ago. The other day, my husband tells me that in reality, I began Teshuva 3 years ago. He said that this is when I recognized HaShem and worked to have Emunah. From this step, it led me to love HaShem and "begin" the Avodat HaShem.

It's a process and it's a long one. During the Lebanon war II this summer, I began to dress modestly. In my mind, I think that's when I really started doing Teshuva. About 2 months ago, I began to pray with more earnest and I think that's when I began Teshuva.... Every day I ask our Merciful Father to help us do sincere Teshuva....

We are as a 2 year old child - learning, recognizing and trusting our Father - the rest of it comes, one step at a time.

I hope this begins to answer your questions....
------------------------
Thank you, I must keep in mind that this is a process with its ups and downs.