GIVE ME MORE SUFFERING
Reuven suffered unbearably. He was utterly impoverished and wholly incapable of supporting his family. He and his wife were constantly ill, agonized by intolerable pain. And their sickly children suffered from malnutrition and other terrible maladies. Finally Reuven could tolerate it no longer.
He decided to seek counsel with the eminent Kabbalist, Rav Shalom Sharabi, zs'l, in the holy city of Jerusalem. It was a vast distance, fraught with danger, but Reuven had had enough; he placed his faith in the blessing of the renowned Tzaddik to ameliorate his unendurable fate.
After a long and wearisome journey, Reuven finally arrived. Filled with hope and anxiousness, he knocked humbly on the door. The rebbetzin greeted him, and welcomed him in. The Rav was currently busy with someone else, she informed him, and invited him to make himself comfortable in the meantime. Reuven sat down, and owing to his exhausting journey, promptly succumbed to a deep sleep.
In his dream, he was wandering along a lonely path that seemed to stretch to eternity. He had no idea where the path led, but he intuitively followed its direction. Everything was perfectly still and quiet. After several minutes, he heard a commotion behind him. Turning around, he perceived a huge caravan of wagons heading his way. As they approached and passed him, he noticed that they were filled with angels, all dressed in white. There were fat angels and skinny ones; tall angels and short ones. Angels of every description. Eventually the caravan passed and all was quiet once again.
A short while later, Reuven perceived another tumult from behind. This time the caravan was populated with angels garbed in black. Again, there were angels of all shapes and sizes. Reuven could not imagine the meaning of these caravans or their purpose. He increased his pace in an attempt to solve this mysterious riddle.
Eventually, Reuven came to an enormous square. The angels were all congregating haphazardly. The noise was deafening. In the center of the square stood an immense balance. Asking one of the angels, Reuven was informed that this was the Heavenly tribunal, and that someone was about to be tried for his life accomplishments.
The white angels represented the person's mitzvos. The large, heavy angels were created through the self-sacrifice and enthusiasm the person invested in his mitzvot. The skinny angels were the result of mitzvos the man performed merely to be "yotzei" (to fulfill his minimal obligation). The black-clothed angels were products of the man's sins. This intrigued Reuven exceedingly, and he paid close attention to the proceedings.
A voice rang out: "Sin-Angels, ascend the scale!" With an tremendous ruckus, the black angels raced one another onto one side of the scale. The scaled tipped ominously in the direction of sins. The voice reverberated again: "Mitzva-Angels, ascend the scale!" With a ruckus that rivaled the first, the white angels jumped onto the other side of the scale. Slowly, the tilt of the scale began to level off. As the last angels boarded the scale, though, the balance was still predominantly leaning in favor of the sins.
"Boy, this guy's in for a tough time," commented Reuven, grateful that he only had observer status. "By the way, who are they trying?" "Why, didn't you realize?" queried the surprised angel. "The one being judged... is you!!" Reuven nearly fainted. He was being judged! This was the trial of his life! And the scale was tipping in the direction of sins! What would become of him?
Fearing the worst, Reuven cringed, preparing himself for the ultimate conviction. Just then, the voice thundered once more: "Angels of suffering, ascend the scale!" From out of nowhere, huge, mighty angels appeared and jumped quickly onto the scale. These were angels created by Reuven's incessant suffering in the physical world. Some flew onto the side of mitzvos, while others climbed briefly onto the side of sins, kicking off some of the sin-angels. The scale slowly shifted in the direction of mitzvos. Only a few more millimeters were needed. One more angel and Reuven would be in the clear!
Sitting on the edge of his seat, Reuven searched desperately for another angel of suffering to tip the scales. But then, all the commotion ceased; no new angels were to be seen. Reuven understood the implications. He was about to be sentenced to what every human being fears most. If only he had a few more angels of suffering, he would be declared righteous. Why could he not conjure up a few more angels of suffering?
Panic-stricken, Reuven emitted a blood curdling scream: "GIVE ME MORE SUFFERING!!!" And then he woke up. Everyone in the house heard Reuven's impassioned cry. They rushed into the room. Reuven lay there, in a puddle of perspiration, hyperventilating, trying to calm down.
"What happened? Are you all right?" After a few minutes, Reuven rose, and walked definitively toward the door. "Where are you going? Did you not wish to speak with the Rav?" Reuven replied, "I already received my answer... from Heaven."
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He decided to seek counsel with the eminent Kabbalist, Rav Shalom Sharabi, zs'l, in the holy city of Jerusalem. It was a vast distance, fraught with danger, but Reuven had had enough; he placed his faith in the blessing of the renowned Tzaddik to ameliorate his unendurable fate.
After a long and wearisome journey, Reuven finally arrived. Filled with hope and anxiousness, he knocked humbly on the door. The rebbetzin greeted him, and welcomed him in. The Rav was currently busy with someone else, she informed him, and invited him to make himself comfortable in the meantime. Reuven sat down, and owing to his exhausting journey, promptly succumbed to a deep sleep.
In his dream, he was wandering along a lonely path that seemed to stretch to eternity. He had no idea where the path led, but he intuitively followed its direction. Everything was perfectly still and quiet. After several minutes, he heard a commotion behind him. Turning around, he perceived a huge caravan of wagons heading his way. As they approached and passed him, he noticed that they were filled with angels, all dressed in white. There were fat angels and skinny ones; tall angels and short ones. Angels of every description. Eventually the caravan passed and all was quiet once again.
A short while later, Reuven perceived another tumult from behind. This time the caravan was populated with angels garbed in black. Again, there were angels of all shapes and sizes. Reuven could not imagine the meaning of these caravans or their purpose. He increased his pace in an attempt to solve this mysterious riddle.
Eventually, Reuven came to an enormous square. The angels were all congregating haphazardly. The noise was deafening. In the center of the square stood an immense balance. Asking one of the angels, Reuven was informed that this was the Heavenly tribunal, and that someone was about to be tried for his life accomplishments.
The white angels represented the person's mitzvos. The large, heavy angels were created through the self-sacrifice and enthusiasm the person invested in his mitzvot. The skinny angels were the result of mitzvos the man performed merely to be "yotzei" (to fulfill his minimal obligation). The black-clothed angels were products of the man's sins. This intrigued Reuven exceedingly, and he paid close attention to the proceedings.
A voice rang out: "Sin-Angels, ascend the scale!" With an tremendous ruckus, the black angels raced one another onto one side of the scale. The scaled tipped ominously in the direction of sins. The voice reverberated again: "Mitzva-Angels, ascend the scale!" With a ruckus that rivaled the first, the white angels jumped onto the other side of the scale. Slowly, the tilt of the scale began to level off. As the last angels boarded the scale, though, the balance was still predominantly leaning in favor of the sins.
"Boy, this guy's in for a tough time," commented Reuven, grateful that he only had observer status. "By the way, who are they trying?" "Why, didn't you realize?" queried the surprised angel. "The one being judged... is you!!" Reuven nearly fainted. He was being judged! This was the trial of his life! And the scale was tipping in the direction of sins! What would become of him?
Fearing the worst, Reuven cringed, preparing himself for the ultimate conviction. Just then, the voice thundered once more: "Angels of suffering, ascend the scale!" From out of nowhere, huge, mighty angels appeared and jumped quickly onto the scale. These were angels created by Reuven's incessant suffering in the physical world. Some flew onto the side of mitzvos, while others climbed briefly onto the side of sins, kicking off some of the sin-angels. The scale slowly shifted in the direction of mitzvos. Only a few more millimeters were needed. One more angel and Reuven would be in the clear!
Sitting on the edge of his seat, Reuven searched desperately for another angel of suffering to tip the scales. But then, all the commotion ceased; no new angels were to be seen. Reuven understood the implications. He was about to be sentenced to what every human being fears most. If only he had a few more angels of suffering, he would be declared righteous. Why could he not conjure up a few more angels of suffering?
Panic-stricken, Reuven emitted a blood curdling scream: "GIVE ME MORE SUFFERING!!!" And then he woke up. Everyone in the house heard Reuven's impassioned cry. They rushed into the room. Reuven lay there, in a puddle of perspiration, hyperventilating, trying to calm down.
"What happened? Are you all right?" After a few minutes, Reuven rose, and walked definitively toward the door. "Where are you going? Did you not wish to speak with the Rav?" Reuven replied, "I already received my answer... from Heaven."
Labels: Teshuva
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